Category Archives: Law Enforcement

As organized as a food riot

So I’ve been a Detective for a year now, and I’m almost as organized as Fred Sanford’s front yard. I’ve never been what you would call OCD, organized, or, for that matter, “all there.”

That being said, it’s starting to hinder my work performance that I can’t keep track of cases, suspects, witnesses, or tools. I swear I go through 20 pens a week. Evidence hasn’t been an issue, as once it’s collected and processed, there’s no delay before it gets dropped into property.

For those veteran desk jockeys out there, how do you do it? How do you keep track of everything and everyone? If you have a system, app, mantra, or gnome who helps, let me know. PLEASE!!


Rant #1

A monument for a child at Galong, New South Wa...

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Please allow me to postpone the second post in the I’m a Basic series. I need to vent. I’ve often said (jokingly… most of the time) that a permit should be required to pro-create. The events (and a particular case) of the last week have made me believe this to be true.  If you don’t want a child:

  1. Don’t get pregnant
  2. If you get pregnant, put the child up for adoption
  3. If you choose to keep the child, act like a RESPONSIBLE ADULT and care for it.

After working the negligent homicide of a three year old little girl due to the parents (both of them) being irresponsible douche bags with no regard for the human life they brought into this world, I’m left wondering why the man upstairs allows children to be given to people who don’t deserve them, and for all intents and purposes torture them, when there are thousands of loving, caring couples and singles who desperately want a child and can provide them with all the love, care, and material things they need.  I don’t like the weak being hurt, especially when they can’t defend themselves, and ESPECIALLY when it’s a child.

Thus endeth the sermon.

Criminal Pro-Tip #5


Image by vrt3 via Flickr

Facebook is not your friend.  Facebook videos are DEFINITELY not your friend.  If you’re going on a felonious vandalism spree, putting video of you and your friends committing said vandalism will not help your case in court.

Criminal Pro-Tip #4

junk food/career?When choosing a business to break into, pay careful attention to the type of business you choose to target.  The “spy store” you choose is most likely going to have better cameras wired in the place than the CIA has.

Atta Boy

The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department badge

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I’d like to send an official TraumaPig Atta Boy to LASD Reserve Deputy Shervin Lalezary.  D/S Lalezary is crediting with stopping and arresting suspected LA arsonist Harry Burkhart.  D/S Lalezary is like most reserve LEOs nationwide, in that he makes little to no money ($1 per year in Lalezary’s case) for their service.  D/S Lalezary is a shining example of those who volunteer their time to make our communities safer.  D/S Lalezary, thank you for your exemplary service!